“I’m Not Perfect…”

Confession: I’m not perfect.

leonardo's-vitruvian-man
‘Vitruvian Man’ by Leonardo da Vinci (Image Source*)

I’m not perfect.

“Ah, that’s alright Steve,” you kindly reply, “I’m not perfect either, no-one is.”

No, I don’t think you understand. I’m not perfect…

Which means that I have flaws and I have failings.

(And I’m no angel.)

And I don’t always do what I say I’m going to do. Don’t always practice what I preach. And don’t always live up to my ‘values’.

Yes I lie, and I cheat sometimes.

Not too often, as it don’t feel nice, but I still do it. Still lie, still cheat, still deny. And all ’cause it feels easier than to be with the ‘consequences’.

I’m not perfect…

I don’t think I could ever be 100% transparent, 100% open, 100% honest – with you, myself or anyone (if I’m really being honest). Seems there’s always a part of me that wants to stay hidden.

Yes, I hide from my feelings. A lot. From shame, from blame, from ‘foolish fame’.

And so I get to be thoroughly unpleasant, instead.

I get to be angry, and petty, and mean.

(Don’t mean to be. It just happens, now and then. Despite my best efforts.)

I’m not perfect…

I get things wrong. I make mistakes. (Often.) And I judge people, way too much, when they get things wrong, when they make mistakes.

I judge people just for being different to me, in truth. For how they look, for what they do, for what they might believe in or value.

I’m even judgemental of people being judgemental.

I’m often intolerant of intolerance, angry at other people’s anger, and fearful of other people’s fear.

Guess I just want things done ‘my way’, in my own image.

And I get cross (or scared) when I don’t get my own way: when people don’t do what I want them to; when others seem better, more accomplished, than me.

I’m not perfect…

Because I have a bit of bother with jealousy, and envy, and just comparing ‘me’ with ‘you’.

And let’s not forget the far-too-frequent flip-side: when I am patronising, arrogant, and self-righteous.

And I despise self-righteousness. (Of course I do.) But that’s okay, because I can be a hypocrite, too, and I despise hypocrites most of all.

I am a contradiction in terms.

And yes yes I love myself, I do, but I kinda don’t too. The bits that aren’t perfect, I guess, the ‘ugly stuff’ (up above and down below).

So I can be vain, whilst pretending not to be so.

A pretentious poseur, no less. Self-obsessed. Self-indulgent. Entitled, too.

I could go on. And on.

So I really mean it when I say, “I’m not perfect.”

Wish I was – perfect! – but I’m not.

I’m only human… (Like you.)

 

 

by Steve M Nash

 

(*) More ‘perfect’ Vitruvian Man (and Woman) images and ‘Ideal Women’ images